Sometimes we don’t recognize our own strength until we look back over our lives and realize that we’re still here!
I’ve been through what seems like hell and back, and I’m still here, but not just me, my people too; my ancestry
The deep dark truth that hangs from silent trees-seemingly existing only in books, movies and memories- twice removed
Shades of mahogany, chocolate and vanilla swirled with mud and tears of resistance
Seeds planted in forbidden soil have grown into unmovable trees
Fighting from resist-stance
Arms held high, hands wide open and visible yet they still shoots us
Branches on this tree, the blood of you and me only in the books, movies and memories twice removed
I enjoy sitting in front of this computer, but it seems I never have the time, but deep down, the truth is, there is time when I make time, and I have not been making time the way that I know I can. There are always thoughts and ideas running through my mind of what I can write about, but most times, these inspirations are suppressed by Fear. Fear has turned my dreams into a nightmare and Procrastination has been its sedative! Day after day I awake with a heart filled with passion for things I would like to see happen in my life; publishing a book, becoming a certified Sign Language interpreter, starting a side business…and the list goes on. As the numbers of candles on my birthday cake go higher and higher it is clear that I am not getting any younger. Focus and motivation dance before me, like two blind flames relentlessly fighting in the dark; sometimes energized and ready to win and others, distracted by the desire to simply stay aflame.
There are many different kinds of fear that contend against me putting effort toward my goals, but it can all be summed up as the “Fear of the Unknown”-not knowing whether I will succeed or fail, lingers in the back of my mind. It’s hidden under almost every excuse and distraction and is often found in the basin of what appears to be progress and busyness. Procrastination is always moving, appearing to be active, but is never productive. It makes you feel as if you are making headway, but never renders any edible fruit or proof. In order to realize our goals, we have to pull Fear and Procrastination from the bowels of our thoughts and stare them in the face and create a counteractive plan. It is not an easy thing to bring the subconscious to the forefront of our minds, so we must practice it. Routinely ask ourselves a few questions and evaluate what’s holding us back and then take steps in a progressive direction.
There are many things in my life that require my constant and loyal attention like my God, my family, my finances (employment) and some others. The loyal managing of these things can cause the other, more personal goals to be placed on the back burner, especially when there is the physical and mental need to rest. I know that taking care of myself is of utmost importance because if I don’t take care of myself, I may eventually not be well enough to take care of anyone or anything else. But there also needs to be time and focus designated to step-by-step work on my other goals. It is this understanding that forces me to identify my Fear and push past Procrastination and at the very least, make the attempt toward achieving my goals-something that, I’m glad to report, I’ve already started. Stay tuned.