I want to be lazy and give in to indifference; making the minimum effort (read a little and pray a little) just enough to note a difference or a slight increase in my usual devotion, but not enough for it to hurt, stretch or challenge me. This, I know, is a crazy and impossible way to think when true transformation is the goal.
Being honest with myself, I can conclude that I am often times neglectful with placing Our engagement as a priority. Usually making Our time a past-time-as in an afterthought. I am tempted to glory in the fact that at least I do make sure to spend time with You consistently, but the reality is it’s not my Best time; not when I am my sharpest or most energetic, but often when I am tired and about to call it quits for the day-
You deserve so much more than my scraps!
Your Word, God, however, gives me strength; it fuels me to read deeper and draws my heart to fall on my knees in prayer-sacred time with You. It reminds me of my minute existence in the core of Your grand hand. I am joined to the fact that You are worthy of me surrendering anything that I could ever consider to be a sacrifice and my obedience above that.
My desire is to be All-In with You.
In order to be successful, I will look at Our day by day and not the perfect picture because sometimes that overwhelms me. I am looking forward to growth and am also preparing for the growing pains. I will open my arms to the discomfort in shedding the ‘comfy me’ and work on releasing my need to be in control. You have already promised that You are with me.
Thank You for going before me. Continue reading “Desire, One Day at a Time”
I’ve written many posts and in so doing, have shared most of my life’s updates with you, but the major downside is, I’ve only done so in my head. On reality, it has been well over a year since I’ve posted anything new, well, actually closer to two years. I’ve finally surrendered to the fact that I’m very bad at this consistent writing thing so now I must look for a new method.
I write this post in hopes that I will actually complete it and not only that, but that I will also upload it so that eyes other than my own can view. Attached to that hope is also the thought that perhaps my passion for writing will reignite and I will begin another writing and posting spree, no matter if it’s temporary. One of those things only time will tell.
I enjoy sitting in front of this computer, but it seems I never have the time, but deep down, the truth is, there is time when I make time, and I have not been making time the way that I know I can. There are always thoughts and ideas running through my mind of what I can write about, but most times, these inspirations are suppressed by Fear. Fear has turned my dreams into a nightmare and Procrastination has been its sedative! Day after day I awake with a heart filled with passion for things I would like to see happen in my life; publishing a book, becoming a certified Sign Language interpreter, starting a side business…and the list goes on. As the numbers of candles on my birthday cake go higher and higher it is clear that I am not getting any younger. Focus and motivation dance before me, like two blind flames relentlessly fighting in the dark; sometimes energized and ready to win and others, distracted by the desire to simply stay aflame.
There are many different kinds of fear that contend against me putting effort toward my goals, but it can all be summed up as the “Fear of the Unknown”-not knowing whether I will succeed or fail, lingers in the back of my mind. It’s hidden under almost every excuse and distraction and is often found in the basin of what appears to be progress and busyness. Procrastination is always moving, appearing to be active, but is never productive. It makes you feel as if you are making headway, but never renders any edible fruit or proof. In order to realize our goals, we have to pull Fear and Procrastination from the bowels of our thoughts and stare them in the face and create a counteractive plan. It is not an easy thing to bring the subconscious to the forefront of our minds, so we must practice it. Routinely ask ourselves a few questions and evaluate what’s holding us back and then take steps in a progressive direction.
There are many things in my life that require my constant and loyal attention like my God, my family, my finances (employment) and some others. The loyal managing of these things can cause the other, more personal goals to be placed on the back burner, especially when there is the physical and mental need to rest. I know that taking care of myself is of utmost importance because if I don’t take care of myself, I may eventually not be well enough to take care of anyone or anything else. But there also needs to be time and focus designated to step-by-step work on my other goals. It is this understanding that forces me to identify my Fear and push past Procrastination and at the very least, make the attempt toward achieving my goals-something that, I’m glad to report, I’ve already started. Stay tuned.